Early Morning Musings

Today is my daughter's birthday. Right now, I'm up very early because my own sensibilities will not let me sleep. The weight of this day is very overwhelming for me. Last year, at almost 1:00 in the morning, I heard that most wonderful, heart-wrenching words ever. The nurse, Cindy, leaned down, kissed my forehead and said, "Tiffany, you're a mother!"

Rick and I often refer to this day as the best and worst day of our lives. We're not mad at God-- how can you be mad at someone who gave you such a wonderful gift in the first place? I have come to terms with the whole thing, I'm just missing my little girl, and that's okay.

In all honesty, I don't really know why I'm writing this. Perhaps I just need to send my thoughts out into space in hopes that it may help someone. I like to think that I've held myself together really well. Every chance I get, I have to tell of God's greatness and how He has truly blessed my husband and I. I guess part of me is just sad at how superficial we make things sometimes. Lately, I've just heard so much about friends and family that are either getting divorced, or don't seem to care about their children very much. Why can't they see what a privilege it is to have either of those?! Sure marriage is difficult, but you have to remember that you not only vowed to each other, you vowed to God. That's a pretty serious thing. There's been plenty of times where that's been the thing holding my husband and I together, and I'm glad it did. I never would have made it this far without my other half. And children, I know their loud, smelly, and slimy most of the time-- but what a gift! To hold that little hand, and to express love, and to have it expressed back to you with smiles or uprooted flowers you just planted, boy... what a wonderful thing.

Don't worry about Tiffany. My heart is healing and is full of joy. God truly has given me a wonderful life. No, I don't have everything, but God makes my life good. Please continue to pray for us. I go in for my first OB appointment on the 25th of this month. Pray that everything goes well. Also, I'm now a high risk pregnancy. Pray that I won't need to go to Seattle or Anchorage to have this baby. I want to do my best to teach school as long as I can. Thank you for indulging my thoughts.